Why Your Team Sucks 2. Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Some people are fans of the Tampa Bay Bucs. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Tampa Bay Bucs. This 2. 01. 7 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group. Read all the previews so far here. Your team Tampa Bay Bucs. T3Lij9y5YQ3998f3DQ6KpDFRgeWWhbEY6bk9d4hm5PeGcTd4gEdASVzS9kQBQp8=h900.png' alt='The Bank Robber Full Version Hacked Games' title='The Bank Robber Full Version Hacked Games' />Headlines from the network and other sources, as well as downloads of trailers and clips. Some people are fans of the Green Bay Packers. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Green Bay Packers. This 2017 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in. Your 2. 01. 6 record 9 7. In those seven losses, the Bucs gave up nearly five touchdowns a game. Derek Carr hung 5. Raiders committed 2. The Rams hung 3. 7 on them somehow. This is a rough estimate, but 9. I/71BY6X08n7L.png' alt='The Bank Robber Full Version Hacked Games' title='The Bank Robber Full Version Hacked Games' />Tavon Austins total receiving yards last year came against the Bucs. But please keep telling me that this is an up and coming defense. This team still starts Chris Conte. During real games, no less Your coach Dirk Koetter. Well, I am sure there are plenty of people that think my playcalling stinks But Ive been doing it for 3. I dont think Im going to forget how. Well actually, Dirk, in your NFL career your teams have had a winning percentage below. Nutritional Anthropology Biocultural Perspectives On Food And Nutrition Pdf. So its not that youve forgotten how to call plays, but rather the fact that you never learned how to call them to begin with. By the way, the Bucs were this seasons designated Hard Knocks victim. Lets see what kind of EXCLUSIVE ACCESS weve been given into Koetter and his coaching methods. Christ. Honestly, its like they just draw slogans out of a hat every year. Your quarterback Congratulations, Jameis WinstonYour sexual battery case was finally dismissed after reaching an undisclosed settlement with your accuser Finally, you can put this whole ordeal behind you. What a hardship it must have been. For YOU. Now Jameis is free to be a leader who absorbs the playbook like a sponge and routinely commits turnovers that belong in silent comedies Every time I gotta read some horseshit about Jameiss uncommon maturity and growth as a passer, its like people completely forget that, at least once a game, he will take the snap and proceed to re enact every Nordberg scene from The Naked Gun. By the way, Jameis has been the showcase star of this seasons Hard Knocks. Here he is killing a cockroach while its mating Technically, thats ALSO sexual assault. And here he is acting like Taylor Swift in the front row of an award show Im gonna go out on a limb here and say that Jameis Winston may not be the most genuine or mature fellow in the world. Fresh off beating the rap, he had the balls to lecture a group of schoolgirls about being silent, polite, and gentle. Fuck his phony ass with a pirate flag. Thankfully, the Bucs imported a MENTOR to help him become 5. Thats right. Its Harvard Man, in the flesh I could be dead in the ground 5. I swear that Ryan Fitzpatrick could still be holding down an NFL roster spot for no reason whatsoever. This team now has not one, but TWO Harvard grads on the roster. I swooooon at the potential for elevated sideline discourse. Oh, nothing coach. Just sipping some Gatorade and discussing the impact on South China Sea trade routes should a preemptive strike in North Korea take place FARTS Whats new that sucks AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA YOU CUT THE KICKER. Yes, after trading up to draft Roberto Aguayo in the second round, the Bucs had to cut him and replace him with Nick FolkPriceless. Thats what you get for FSU ifying half the roster. No one should ever let this team forget about the Aguayo draft bust. This was already one of the worst picks in draft history before they released the poor bastard. They should put a monument to the trade next to the stadium bathroom. GM Jason Licht should have to walk around with a sandwich board that says I TOOK A KICKER IN THE SECOND ROUND LIKE A MORON all day long. Im owning up to it by releasing him. Windows Ce Drivers Wireless'>Windows Ce Drivers Wireless. It was a bold move and it didnt work out. I dont know what else to say. Bold isnt the word Id use there, amigo. Elsewhere on the roster, De. Sean Jackson is here On paper, the arrival of Jackson and absolute stud TE OJ Howard drafted to replace the drunk driver they originally had at that slot make the Bucs one of the best young passing teams in football. But, as someone who has watched De. Sean Jackson over the years, I can assure you that every accidental fumble Winston makes is one that Jackson can make deliberately. Doug Martin was suspended for the first four games for Adderall, and will be suspended four more after he beats my ass for screaming MUSCLE HAMSTER at him from a nearby balcony. Mike Evans drops passes as swiftly as he drops visible Anthem protests. Jon Gruden is getting inducted into the teams ring of honor this season, even though Bill Callahans playsheet should have been inducted way before him. One of the linemen dined and dashed on a five figure club tab. What has always sucked Miko Grimes claimed that she deliberately got her husband cut in Miami so he could come to Tampa. You played yourself, lady. Only an idiot would scheme to leave the glistening shores of South Beach to go to live in the middle of a Dog the Bounty Hunter fancon. She must have thought she could avoid the tax man there. I may be biased here because a jury of Tampa tattoo artists bankrupted this sites former company, but for real, Fuck Tampa. Tampa is the Arizona of Florida. Tampa is a seething mass of divorcees and wannabe pirates deliberately living in the cheesiest possible area. The Bucs stadium isnt even the most popular building on its block that honor goes to Mons Venus. Theres a reason that Jon Gruden has a completely unironic love of Hooters. Thats 1. 00 percent Tampa right there. Im surprised they dont blare Hoobastank from air raid signals all day long. I took my family to Tampa for Spring Break once. Seagulls tried to eat our dinner every night and some lady brought an entire hi fi system to the pool so she could play Bon Jovi. Tampa is the worst. Its the only city in America aiming to REDUCE mass transit. Nazis are everywhere. Local sports teams had to give money just to get a Confederate statue taken down and it still hasnt been taken down. A local middle school tried to sell kids a 1. The Scientologists are the most normal people there. Fuck Tampa eternally. VIVA GAWKER, MOTHERFUCKER. What might not suck Theyre good enough on offense to score 4. Did you know HEAR IT FROM BUCS FANS Matthew Robert Aguayo. Robert Aguayo. Robert Aguayo. Anton There is nothing worse than waiting for decades for your team to get a potentially elite QB and then have him be an alleged rapist. Who tells groups of young girls they need to shut up and let the men lead. Alex Fuck Josh Freeman. Joseph In two season Jameis will be the Bucs alltime leader in passing yards, surpassing Vinny fucking Testaverde. Jeb Lund The problem with Why Your Team Sucks is that, every year, I strive to think of something uniquely bad about the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, some suck property that grounds the team athletically and geographically in a characteristic awfulness that other people can point to and say, I get why thisteam blows. But Im starting to think thats misguided, like writing a negative review of a flat, sad Big Mac. Its a mediocrity expected, universal and unenlightening, as dissatisfying as you want it to be, assuming you need to buy it at all. Apart from the pirate ship, Raymond James Stadium is unlovely in the way most stadiums are unlovely. Its not exiled to some featureless exurban hinterland, but its not in a downtown core accessible to walking or convenient public transportation. Why Your Team Sucks 2. Green Bay Packers. Some people are fans of the Green Bay Packers. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Green Bay Packers. This 2. 01. 7 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group. Read all the previews so far here. Your team Green Bay Packers. Your 2. 01. 6 record 1. Yep, you wasted another year of Aaron Rodgerss prime. You are Atlanta Braves ing him. Suck it. How do you have Aaron Rodgers and fall behind 3. NFC title game. Your coach Mike Mc. Carthy. Thats how. Hes still here, and Dom Capers is still the defensive coordinator. Until the day you people die and its coming soon Ive seen the way you eat, you will be stuck with Beav calling isolation plays with his 1. Capers orchestrating a defense that only looks good against any offense that cant play offense. I cant believe you got beaten senseless by the Skins. Your quarterback Aaron Rodgers. How come you never call you mother anymore, Aaron Every year, the Packers go through a rough patch last years example being a four game skid and a 4 6 start and you can rest assured thats enough to cause every last idiot Packers fan to lose their shit and wonder if its the end of an era. Go here if you dont believe me. Theyll probably still blame every Rodgers slump this year on Olivia Munn even though those two arent fucking each other anymore. Whats new that sucks LOL who are you kidding Its the Packers. They do nothing. Ted Thompson spends the entire offseason napping in a barcalounger. True, they brought in Martellus Bennett to replace Jared Cook, and they grabbed Jahri Evans to help make up for the loss of T. J. Lang, and they cut Eddie Lacy for being the weight of your average season ticket holder, but come on. Everything the Packers do is to ensure model consistency, so that Rodgers will spend another season running for his life before the team ultimately shits down its own throat in the playoffs. They cant keep anyone healthy. Half the team will spend all winter in that sideline medic igloo. The only receiver who doesnt go through Pleistocene length cold stretches is Jordy Nelson and hes a fragile little white man with hair like a seal pelt. For real, Im shocked Jordy hasnt been clubbed by a hunter and mounted on the wall of a Rhinelander log cabin. Their best running back is a converted wideout and their second best running back is an actual wideout. Theyll both get hurt and Mc. Carthy will still try to establish the run 2. The cornerbacks are abominable. Clay Matthews still has a tiny face and I hate him. YOURE NOT THOR, BUDDY. What has always sucked This is the part where, as ethics require, I must disclose that I am a Vikings fan or Vi. Queens, as Green Bay fans so cleverly put it, and that the Packers DISGUST me with their never ending, small town, Thornton Wilder horseshit. Look at these assholes These are the dumbest fans in the NFL. Its not close. Ask any other fan of any other team who the stupidest fans theyve ever encountered are, and they will tell you Green Bay. Every fan is a 3. This is the only franchise where fans have more brain damage than the former players. If youre unfortunate enough to be stuck near a Packers fan, you will be subjected to hours of cheese breath and contradicting takes about players they arent even aware are no longer on the roster. Any time the Packers win by fewer than 2. I guarantee you that Rodgers hates every waking second he has to be in Green Bay. Who wouldnt Apart from the Packers, the most exciting thing that happens in Green Bay is when the local Chilis offers a new drink special. The fans are dumber than styrofoam and the media is even worse This is your model NFL team. This is every last FOOTBALL IS FAMILY lie tucked into one fanbase and handed a stack of forged ownership certificates. This is the Notre Dame of the NFL. Every time Rodgers completes some bullshit Hail Mary goddammit, opposing teams, bat the ball down, every Packers fans may as well cry out WAKE UP THE ECHOES and jerk off into their mittens. These people think theyre magic. They think theyre SPECIAL. They think they deserve all these great quarterbacks and neat football action that theyve been arbitrarily handed by a Blind God. They think theyre the American idyll. They are not. Theyre humps. Frauds. Narcissists. SHITBAGS. They are emblematic of a very specific kind of American reverse dysmorphic disorder, where you look in the mirror and see some All American stud instead of the sad, worthless asshole you really are. Id rather cut myself than live like a Packers fan, sitting around my whole life waiting for some podunk team to do something exciting so that I can leech off their success because I myself can barely move. GO TO HELL. Im not bitter. Im not bitter at all. WHY DIDNT ANYONE TACKLE ANTONIO FREEMAN WHEN HE GOT UP Did you know Ty Montgomery started out as a wideout before the team discovered running back was his natural position. Get ready to hear that 4,0. What might not suck Nothing. Fuck you. And fuck Paul Ryan with a tree. HEAR IT FROM PACKERS FANS Nic You can straight up see in Rodgers expression how sad he is to be playing for skinny Andy Reid. Stephen WHY THE FUCK IS DOM CAPERS STILL HERE Andrew Wisconsin is the Arkansas of the Midwest, and Green Bay is its Hot Springs. Karl Our defense made Blake Bortles look like a good quarterback. Landon Mike Mc. Carthy and the Packers fan base effectively fat shamed Eddie Lacy out of Wisconsin, and that is ironic for all of the obvious reasons. Matt Their yearly rash of injuries to important players seems to stem from the fact that their training staff confuses hamstrings with ham sandwiches. Molly I now head into the playoffs wondering what new, unique way my soul will be crushed in the NFC Divisional or Championship game. Nate The Packers suck because month old tuna fish sandwiches left out to sop in a puddle of excrement are infinitely more fresh than whatever Dom Capers has cookin up, and we all know it. Aaron I cant decide if I want to write a screed against the entitled part of the fanbase that whines incessantly about not winning a championship every year, or if I want to rail against the team for seeming content to be the third best team in the NFC every year. Jesse Dom Capers. David A regular jar of capers could coach better than Dom Capers. Justin Capers has a lower approval rating among Packer fans than Trump at a Black Lives Matter rally held in Mexico. Grant I texted a couple of friends at 2 5. Sunday of the NFC title game saying Ive never felt more confident in a Packers playoff win. The game started at 3 0. The game was over by 4 0. NSP Every Packers season features about 8 life altering plays courtesy of Aaron Rodgers and a continual sense of dread on how theyre going to piss away yet another year of his prime without another Super Bowl appearance. Zach At some point this quarterback streak is going to end and it will be all if onlys and what ifs as we inevitably go back to 8. Packer incompetence. Elijah Any Packers fan under the age of 3. At least half of these best fans in the league will bail just as soon as Aaron Rodgers leaves. Fuck Brandon Bostick. Rick Packers playoff losses just leave me dead inside. I dont even get angry.